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Edinburgh fringe’s 10 funniest jokes revealed

Jokes and witty quotes, smile and laugh out loud.

Jokes and witty quotes, smile and laugh out loud.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.
Marilyn Monroe

I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that’s OK, who wants to be normal anyway?
Tim Duncan

Powered by Guardian.co.ukThis article titled “Edinburgh fringe’s 10 funniest jokes revealed” was written by Mark Brown, arts correspondent, for The Guardian on Tuesday 21st August 2012 08.00 UTC

Take a seat and brace yourself – here is the funniest joke from this year's Edinburgh festival fringe, courtesy of comedian Stewart Francis: "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."

Of course, comedy is subjective, so if that didn't have your sides splitting, try out the gag judged the second funniest this year, from Tim Vine: "Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly."

The two gags top a poll at the fringe now in its fifth year. Francis, the Canadian one-liner comic, picked up 20% of the votes to win the fifth annual Dave award for the funniest joke of the fringe. About 3,000 people voted for the joke, choosing from 30 which had been gathered by a panel of comedy critics and writers.

It was one of two jokes from Francis, a frequent panellist on BBC2's Mock the Week, who also came eighth with: "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"

Francis said of his win: "1969 West Mall Soccer Association's Most Valuable Player, and now this … thank you, Dave."

The joke is taken from his show at the Assembly Rooms, called Return of the Lumberjacks, in which he is reunited with fellow Canadian comics Craig Campbell and Glenn Wool, 15 years after they made their Edinburgh debut together.

Vine – who was also runner-up last year but won in 2010 for his line "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again" – also came sixth this year for "I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze."

Previous winners of the award include Zoe Lyons in its inaugural year with an Amy Winehouse joke, Dan Antopolski in 2009 for "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?" and last year's winner Nick Helm for "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

The top 10 jokes:

1) "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." – Stewart Francis

2) "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly." – Tim Vine

3) "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." – Will Marsh

4) "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." – Rob Beckett

5) "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don't know Y." – Chris Turner

6) "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze." – Tim Vine

7) "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." – George Ryegold

8) "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" – Stewart Francis

9) "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad." – Lou Sanders

10) "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn't fancy her chances." – Nish Kumar

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010

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About Carl William Brown

I'm Carl William Brown a holistic teacher, a webmaster, a trader, and a writer of aphorisms and essays. I have written more than 9,000 original quotations and at present I'm also working at my only novel, Fort Attack, which is also a wide and open blog project. At the moment I'm teaching English in a secondary school, but up to now I have done a lot of other things as well, both in business, educational, sport and social fields. Some years ago, in 1997 following the examples of the Rotary or the Lyons Clubs I founded the Daimon Club Organization to promote every sort of activities, creativity, art, literature, new technologies, informatics, business and marketing, public health and education and to meet new friends with these kind of interests.
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